You know God has it out for someone when He acts not once, but twice to intervene in his or her business. In this case, it isn't I who was being ousted by the Big Man, but I am directly suffering due to the consequences. And by suffering I mean inconvenienced. But it has really been an unpleasant chain of events, leading to one pretty little girl named Em being christening gown-less 17 days before her the special day.
Here's the story. I found the christening gown of my dreams. It was all satin and pearls and flower embellishments and just perfect for my gorgeous little girl for her christening. It was ordered, paid for, and shipped. Three weeks later, it still had not arrived, and when I tracked it on FedEx's website, I discovered that it had supposedly been delivered! On Papa's birthday, so I had a vague idea of what I had been up to that day, and certainly would have remembered stumbling over a big box full of baptismal perfection on my way to his birthday dinner. The website from which I ordered was not impressed and said they'd get back to me. Two days later, when they hadn't yet and I called again, they said FedEx had left it on our side porch (which makes it a believable story, since that's where a true FedEx dropoff would occur), but then why hadn't we seen it? We were in and out at random hours that day. We have no neighbors who would steal our mail. It wasn't bad weather. So where could it have gone?
Enter God and Act #1. Obviously he did not want us to have this dress. But, of course, being the cheeky girl that I am, I defied God, reordered, and was promised to have it in 5 business days. I went to Massachusetts feeling confident the gown of my dreams was on its way. Nana, who was so kind as to buy the dress, was in Mexico, so we had no real reason to worry but no real way to stay on top of it. We trusted in FedEx (ignoring God's wishes) and went blithely on our way.
Well, God didn't like that so much, thus Act of God #2. Arson. Did I just say arson? Yup, you heard me. The warehouse which held all of this company's textiles and merchandise was destroyed in a fire before they had the chance to mail out the dress a second time. No dress. No materials. Everything was gone, and they feel that the fire was set on purpose. I think we all know who set that fire, who intervened in my seemingly inconsequential affairs. It was an Act of God, who really went very out of His way to make sure Em did not wear this dress on her christening day, if you ask me.
Now, what these people did to earn The Wrath is beyond me. Maybe they are money launderers for the mafia. Maybe they are harboring terrorists. Maybe I've seen one too many NCIS episodes. But regardless, all I know is that Em's baptism is around the corner and she had no dress. So today Nana and I went out and ordered not one, but two, christening gowns, one to be returned once we decide which we like better, and we'll all pray that they arrive in time. And that they're pretty. Not gorgeous-dress-of-my-dreams pretty, just pretty enough to celebrate Em on this very important day.
Hmmm...now that I come to think of it...maybe I'm the one who offended God with my ridiculous materialism and pride over the dress that Em had to have for her christening. Maybe, like Christmas, I got too caught up in the glitz and glamour and forgot about the reason we're celebrating in the first place. Welcoming Em into the Catholic Church. Maybe God was just giving me a little slap to the back of the head (Gibbs-style, for you NCIS folks) to remind me what's really important.
Or maybe they really were harboring terrorists. I guess we'll never know.