Inner Monologue

Yesterday was an exciting and humbling day for me.  Saturday I wrote an usual post called "A Delicate Subject" which had no pictures and no funny, embarrassing story.  It was just my tumultuous, anxious thoughts that had been tossing about in my head for a couple days and needed to get out.  It was one of the first times I've used this space as more of a journal than a baby book and actually let the post be mostly about me.  Yes, Jax was the fodder behind it, but it was mostly about my feelings and what I was going through.  It was a bit risky for me and I tweeted that I was scared I had overshared and emailed a friend to ask her opinion.  I got feedback from all that I wasn't oversharing, that I wasn't forcing anyone to read it.  But I felt like I should have given people a warning:
Notice! Private musings and thoughts going on here!  No cute pictures of the kids.  Feel free to carry on!

But then I had 19 comments from out in the universe: friends, family, strangers, other mom bloggers, all validating me and making me feel like I was doing a good job and to keep going.  It was such a rewarding day.  Then another friend emailed me to say that "successful blogs were first of all about the author; some of them have kids and husbands, and a lot of them have problems, existential and otherwise, but they were blogging about themselves". (Thanks for the insight, Ed!)  And I realized I not only could, but should write about my thoughts and anxieties.  This is my space and it can only be truly real if others know more than just the anecdotes and funny stories.  Mommy blogging is a phenomena because people want to share their fears, faults, successes, tricks, secrets, accolades.  Just documenting my kids isn't enough for me anymore.  I think I need to put a little of myself out there, too.  A little more of myself in here.

So JDubbs and I had a brainstorming powwow last night and he argued that I should make time to write just about me at least once a week.  I agreed; in fact, I'm already looking forward to it.  But for those of you who are here for my kids and not for me (and really, who could blame you?) I will flash a warning at you that this is a Becky post and not a baby post, and the warning will look like this:

Smaller, of course, but it will remind you to proceed with caution.  Becky's thoughts richoceting around in here with little or no censorship.  Enter at your own risk.

I won't post an Inner Monologue post on a certain day or at a given hour; it will just be when inspiration strikes me.  If my kids will ever take a nap, maybe I'll have a chance later today.  Regardless, I hope you don't mind that Becky is going to be sharing a bit of J and E's spotlight, and that this will be a welcome addition to the blog.  It's all about me, and I guess we'd all better get used to it.