A quick thought. No pictures for illustration.
Tonight after Jax whacked himself in the face with a laundry basket by pushing on one end and launching the other directly at his nose, he came crying to me like usual. I say that I'm all "Rub Some Dirt On It," and sometimes I am, but usually the rubbing is accompanied by a kiss. This time I actually saw the injury from start to finish, kind of in slow motion although I couldn't stop it; I knew that once he leaned on the one side the other side would fly up and smack him, which it did. It was a glancing blow and hardly worth crying over. I was all ready to give him some tough lovin and say, "You're fine, buddy. Rub some dirt on it," but then he looked up at me with tears running down his cheeks and said, "Make me happy, Mommy."
I practically cried. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut, and even though I knew he was completely fine and probably wouldn't even have a bruise, I scooped him up and even disengaged Em from my lap to give him my full attention. I hugged him and rocked him and kissed him and he cried a little into my shirt. After a few seconds I asked him if there was anything else he needed to be happy and he said, "Yes, milk," so I gave him his sippy cup of milk and he snuggled back into me to calm down. Thirty seconds later he was completely healed and off to wreak havoc once again, but that thought stayed with me.
He thinks that I have magic powers and that in an instant I can cure all. I can make him happy at a drop of a hat, and for now I'm sure I can. But the idea that the world will just get more real and meaner and that I may not always be there to shelter and watch over him just makes me want to cuddle him more closely and hold his hand a little tighter. I'm so grateful that I can make him happy, but now I'm worried about what will happen when I can't.
But, to lighten the mood, I will remind myself that when he finally let me cut his toenails tonight he told me I made his toes happy, so maybe I'm overanalyzing it all, as usual. Apparently making him happy doesn't take a lot, just some toenail clippers and milk!