Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Don't Forget

Em just nursed successfully for the third time in three hours and now I have shipped her off to the nurse's station so that we can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep for the last time in a very long time. But I can't sleep. I keep thinking about how tomorrow we are going home and starting our life as a party of four. I can't believe that JDubbs had to go to our storage unit and retrieve baby things that it feels like had just been put there: swing, bouncy seat, bucket car seat, play mat. Our house is really going to look like Grand Central Station, and these thoughts that used to make me cringe are now incredibly exciting.

When JDubbs and I agreed to start trying to get pregnant again, I agreed solely out of selfishness. I wanted to "get being pregnant over with" and I wanted my body back for good. No more aliens wriggling around on my insides. But now that my latest alien is now a member of the human race and I am no longer pregnant, who knows? Maybe for the last time? I am starting to worry that I'll forget how wonderful it was. So I am taking these last few moments to remember and record all the amazing things about pregnancy.

1. The positive pregnancy test. Is there another moment like it, another moment that so completely defines how our life will change forever? Another moment with my husband that can only be described as phenomenal? Not even getting engaged had the repercussions of a positive pregnancy test. I peed on a stick and then showed it to my husband, put it on the counter, took pictures of it, and debated whether or not to throw it away. That is a unique moment.

2. Ultrasounds and heartbeat monitors. Confirmation that there is not only a little person in there, but a healthy, mobile, active, perfect little person. Little pictures of little features, feet, profiles, internal organs. The funny thumping and galloping of a baby heartbeat. Encouraging and reassuring all at the same time.

3. Picking out a name. JDubbs's least favorite part. My obsession. We literally had to choose Em's middle name the day we found out she was a girl, because, as I said to JDubbs, if we don't do this now, I am going to bug you about it every day until we decide. So we did.
4. Being waited on and helped by others. Strangers, family, friends. You are never as special as you are when you are pregnant. People open doors for you. They offer their seats and spots in line for you. They smile at you for no reason. All of this is instantly transferred from you to the baby on her birthday--you are officially chopped liver once baby has made her appearance--but until that day, you make people happy just by being so round.

5. Kicks. Or in Em's case, being kicked round the clock as a way of saying, "Hello! I'm in here! Time for dessert!" Jax just kind of nudged and said, "Hey, Mom, still in here, in case you were wondering." Em said, "Ready or not, here I come!" Kick, kick, kick!

6. Is it time? There is nothing more frustrating than wondering when the baby will be born, but it is an endless source of conversation, daydreams, anxiety, and eventually, a process unlike any other. Especially if your baby is Em and she takes even the doctors by surprise :)

I'm sure there are more memorable parts of pregnancy, and many of them are unpleasant. But as time goes on and I can't remember why I found pregnancy to be uncomfortable in the first place (I'll just try to forget recovery altogether), I look forward to being able to look at this post and remember that although it is foreign, scary, and unpredictable, pregnancy is a blessing unlike any other. JDubbs and I are blessed with two unbelievably perfect children. Will we have any more? I don't know. Part of me really hopes so. But if not, I have these memories to cherish, along with these sweet little people to love, for the rest of my life.


KDStar1111 said...

beutiful post. and one I think many moms can easily relate =)

lauren & aaron said...

tears in my eyes. :) thanks for a reminder of the miracle i'm still a part helps being late not to be so terrible! :)

Jessica said...

Becky, you have such a beautiful way with words my sister. I'm not sure if these goose bumps will ever go away :) But wait, I have another post to read......Bursting with happiness and pride at what a wonderful family you have. xoxo