The Perfect Storm

Warning: If bodily functions gross you out (like they do me), move along. This post isn't for you.

I won't go into graphic detail, but today was just one of those days that only the mother of a little boy can understand. I think I've handled the bodily functions pretty well, considering I couldn't even handle breastfeeding and that's my own body! But today was one of those days, the perfect storm, when pee and poop and puke collide.

First of all, Jax peed everywhere--I mean EVERYWHERE. The poor little thing had it all over his face, a pool of it in his bellybutton; it was just a mess. My fault, I know. So as I am trying to towel him off, what does he do but spit up a decent portion of the 8 oz. bottle he had recently devoured. Doubly fun. Well, I thought, at least he's empty. So I moved him from his changing table to the crib so he could air out and enjoy some naked time.

You can see where this is going. Of course, as I am cleaning up the aforementioned mess, what happens? He poops. Yup. In his crib. It was gross. It was probably the grossest thing he has done yet. So what do I do, like a good mom? I run and grab the camera so I can show Daddy when he gets home. Hey, he's a guy, he thinks poop is hilarious (I debated whether to post the poop picture but figure you can use your imagination for that one). And as I have the camera in my hand, what does Jax do? PEE AGAIN! How is that possible? He just had the longest pee, and here he goes again. Poor mattress pad.

At this point, I decide he needs a bath. That is just way too much bodily fluid to simply wipe off with a burp rag. So in the bath we go for the first bath Mommy has given Jax without Daddy present in case of emergency. I was very pleased with myself, actually, because slippery babies are scary and intimidating! And, by the way, he peed again in the tub...8 ounces didn't look like so much in the bottle!

So you thought this is where the story would end? Oh no. I brought Jax into his room, lay him on the new, clean changing pad cover, and take a picture or two to document his first Mommy-only bath. Here he is, looking so clean and innocent:

So sweet, right? That's what I thought. I was towelling him off, kissing those fat little feet when he peed yet again!! He almost hit me in the face! I jumped out of the way, but was unable to cover his clean little body. So he was covered in pee once more.....sigh....

So he went to bed probably smelling of urine and covered in drool...oh I won't even go into the drooling...pee, puke, and poop are all I can handle for one afternoon!